I spend my days teaching people how to achieve vibrant health, reverse disease, balance their hormones, sharpen their minds and raise healthy kids on a nutrient dense, whole, unprocessed fresh organic food…preferably gluten-free diet. I’ve raised my kids on whole foods since birth and as a result they have experienced amazing health and strength.
You can imagine my shock and horror at the news I heard about my younger son, soon to be 13 years old.
Yesterday his teacher called again and I asked if she’d seen him eating anything he wasn’t supposed to have, like gluten, dairy or sugar. She seemed surprised that we kept him away from those foods. I was surprised that she was surprised because we’d met with the cafeteria and alerted those in charge of his dietary restrictions.
What a shock to get a call from him today saying that his teacher saw him with pizza on his cafeteria tray and told him to throw it away and call home!
In further investigating with the cafeteria, we were informed that he’s been buying chips, cookies and pizza for over a month…in spite of the fact that we’d had them register his dietary restrictions in their computer program…and they have perfectly acceptable vegan alternatives…beans, brown rice, potatoes, vegetables, fruit, veggie burgers!
It’s frustrating and embarrassing!
The good news is the time frame during which he’ been eating pizza almost exactly lines up with the time frame for the behavior problems! Even his older bother has been complaining about his behavior over the last month!
Before we put him on a gluten free diet, Kevin was what I would call oppositional. Very defiant. Hard to get him to sit still and listen to what we needed him to do. After removing gluten, he became noticeably calmer and more present – more mature.
So now he’s taking the stand “It’s my body. I can do what I want.” SO NOW what?
We told him when he’s out on his own and paying his own bills, that’s true, but our money goes towards good healthy foods not junk food pizza! Plus we need to help him be successful at school and food is a big part of it!
Our older son, now 17, was always such a dream about food…still is…so we never even imagined we’d have a challenge with Kevin!
I guess he’s going to have to be a student in our June “Kids in the Kitchen Class” and meet other kids his age working on a whole foods diet.
I believe we are challenged with what we most need to learn. Perhaps I am on the verge of breakthrough strategies for motivating kids to eat healthy food.
Sad part about this whole thing is I make the BEST pizza and all the kids I’ve fed it to love it! Why not my kid? Hopefully he’s satisfied his curiosity and when he gets back on his regular diet, he’ll notice such a profound difference he’ll be hooked! A mom can only hope!
We've canceled his lunch account and he'll be bringing his lunch again. Kids his age hate that, yet it seems the only way. He lost the privilege.
I'd love to hear stories from other moms and am also open to advice!!!! Teach the teacher!
Please comment below.
Love, Health and Joy,
Dr. Ritamarie
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Ritamarie,
This was a terrific post! Amy and I are always trying to get William (8 yrs) to focus, focus, focus and while we have always been aware of excess sugar in the diet, and we stay away from partially hydrogenated stuff and high fructose corn syrups, we never went beyond that. You may have really hit upon something here and I want to try a gluten free diet for him for a month and see what happens. I would love to start with your pizza recipe. Please forward a link. Thanks!
wow, I feel your pain. My son was behaving so contrary to his normal personality that we turned to the gluten/dairy free diet because we didn't have anything else to lose. He does have ADHD and the medication he's on has helped tremendously with those symptoms-but not the opposition. And, I have a Ph.D in counseling so can relate to feeling embarrassed and totally exasperated.
It's my body! Sounds about right for an adolescent. I might try to use this as an empathy building time. For example, you have a right to your own body, but as a mother and wife you make certain choices that impact them positively. Have you tried letting him experience a taste of what it is like to be around you if you are not caring for yourself? Nothing radical-but enough that he is uncomfortable and wants the old mom back. My son seems to connect well with this type of exercise, even though it pisses him off.
Good luck to you and thank you for sharing. We're all there...
kimberly
I'm all for healthy, organic diet for adults and kids. We practice a similar lifestyle in our house...with one exception. What I learned as a kid and what I continue to learn with my kids is balance. The more I make them do something I believe in the more they rebel. We can only hope that the example of how we live our life and our beliefs will somehow rub off on them as they grow into adults and make their own decisions. Kids need to feel empowered, if you don't allow him to do anything now he's going to find a way to go behind your back. What if he was allowed pizza once every other week and some kind of desert once a week or something like that? I just believe extremes aren't healthy for anyone and in the end he's going to find a way to find his own power rather it be through what he eat, drugs, sex, or whatever it might be....my 2 cents from Jennifer in Austin
Wow...well I guess its that rebelious age that make them do things they are not suppose to. He is fortunate though to have patient parents who will help him with that and get him back into what is good for him, if only they would realize that at the very beginning. I have the hardest time trying to get my step kids to eat healthy. I can only teach them what I know and hope that they will learn and apply when they are older and on their own.
Dear Ritamarie,
I have a 16 year old niece. It is so hard to be different with the peer pressure of your friends. You say he has been hanging around with a couple of buddies and I'm sure they have been encouraging him to go back to eating the wrong things. At that age they don't understand that friends should respect each other I'm sure he hasnt been harping on them to eat healthy! Maybe you could invite them over and feed them they may be surprised!
Joy
RitaMarie,
Its a hard age...but, I think its more about what is being offered to our children in school cafeterias that needs to continually be challenged. Its hard enough for young, energetic squirmy 13 yr. olds to sit like good little soldiers for 8 hours, and be quiet, sit still, do what theyre told...and, not eat what everyone else is eating.
I'll share my story with you and maybe it will give you some hope, all kids being individuals, of course. At age 13, my now almost 17yr. old (youngest child) was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. The first thing the nutritional counselor at the hospital told him was not to worry, he could still eat at mcdonalds and taco bell, and she handed him a pamphlet with the nutritional info/insulin requirements...which i immediately grabbed. we werent on a perfect diet, but we didnt eat at those kinds of places...and i was appalled at that being the nutritional counseling we were going to be receiving. can you imagine???? so, i started digging around for as much info as i could find, and discovered the raw food community online. wow!! i was excited!! he agreed with me to go cold turkey into the raw food lifestyle, which i loved loved loved!! i never felt or looked better...but he was not as excited as me...however, he went along with it for 6 months, faithfully! then he told me he wanted to eat cooked food again, but he would be vegan. He didnt see great results with his diabetes, so he thought it wasnt working, and he got discouraged. 3 yrs later, he's still vegan, and still figuring alot of things out for himself. ive let him do his own experimenting, because, it is his body, and he needs to know what feels best to him. i understand that you have a boy who is much younger and still has quite a bit of school left to get through, but you may have an easier time letting him have some choices that you might not agree totally with, if he agrees to stay away from the real trigger foods like gluten and sugar. just a thought.
Much luck to you and your family..and by the way, thank you so much for your wonderful work and your inspiration, and your presence. I love knowing that we live in a town with someone as lovely and devoted to health as you are.
Blessings and love, Catherine
I can fully appreciate your problem. I too went through this with a 12/13 yr old many yrs (1977-1978) ago and it was extremely frustrating.
After a few calls and visits with the teachers and James, I was given a book on WHY YOUR CHILD IS HYPERACTIVE by Dr Ben F. Feingold MD. I read it and got my eyes opened.
Immediately I changed his diet and removed all sugar, artificial flavors, colors, etc from his diet. Then was told he might have low blood sugar. I was given the name of a Dr in San Antonio and made the 350 mile trip there for the tests. The diagnosis was correct.
The friend who gave me the book also suggested supplements to put him on and some came from the book.
After the Dr (I dont remember his name) finished the 5 hr test, James did have the low bood sugar problem. Then the dr proceeded to give me a list of things to put him on. I told him I had brought the supplements I had him on and showed them to him. He was very surprised and asked how I knew to use those things.
(I had done a certain amount of research in books on alternative health and applied to our diet as much as possible.)
He looked through all I had and kept James on most every thing I was doing and added a few more.
Long story short it turned him around over night. I hated the Ritalin the local dr had put him on because it made a zombie out of him.
The change in his diet and sending a protein snack and his lunch to school every day made the difference in his schooling. He even liked the way he felt.
You can take comfort knowing you are not alone in dealing with these things.
Kathryn
Hello Dr. Ritamarie,
When our son was 11 he went through the same experience. He was difficult to live with, aggressive at time which is not his personality. After lots of testing and food elimination process we found out he was allergic to lots of food, mostly processed food, gluten and meat. Our family totally changed our diet 6 years ago and never looked back. Our daughter who is now 2 years old will not eat anything that doesn't look like whole food including raw food gourmet :-( this could be problem at time for us. Our son is now 17, he has better understanding about how his body reacts to certain food and will not eat them most of the time but he is 17 so once in awhile his skin would break out in eczema if he gives into his cravings.
Just a few thoughts...taken with a grain of salt...while his diet is ESSENTIAL I agree, he does need the space to grow and learn to care for his own body, especially at this age. It might be worthwhile that rather than punishing him for doing what you don't want him to do, you create a reward system for rewarding him for what you do want him to choose. Right now you are setting up a negative experience for him that is causing him to see the gift of healthy eating as a punishment and a negative and something he really does not have choice about. Right now seems like the time to build the barrier into him, rather than around him. What about consequences for the specific negative behaviors associated with the dietary changes, rather than consequences for eating the food? This removes it one step for him so he does not get locked into resisting around food, and might have more space to see for himself how the food affects him, and that the consequences in society are not worth it to him.
HI Ritamarie,
Good sleuthing. I will imagine Kevin following his appropriate diet with ease and joy. Good luck!
Blssings, Linda